Sunday, August 8, 2010

Saturday Centus - Looking Home

Time for Saturday Centus, the day that Jenny at Off on My Tangent gives us a prompt to use in writing a short story. A VERY short story, 100 words or less without the prompt.
This has been a great exercise for me, it really does teach discipline. And it helps to see what really makes for a good, tight story. Give it a whirl, it's not always easy, but it's always fun. The link stays live for a full week, so you've got plenty of time. And make sure to visit all the links, there are some really amazing writers participating.

This week's prompt:

Objects in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear...


My take on it - hope you enjoy!

Wipers on low, an alternate beat to the thumping of tires on the old bridge. Not raining, just that peculiar veil of mist that hangs over south Louisiana in the morning. Sun glinting gold through the cypress, slow moving water hiding frogs, gators, and gar. Smoke rising at the edge of my vision. Ghosts of the past? Just old man Bergeron burning cane stubble.

The demands of life called me back to the city. I cringed, thinking of the noisy crowds. The only wildlife packs of feral teenagers and the occasional rat.

A final look back. Objects in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear... God, I hope so.








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25 comments:

Sue said...

Beautifully done! Loved it.

=)

Confessions of a Plate Addict said...

OK Kat...you're having James Lee Burke do your homework, aren't you??? lol Fab-u-lous!! Love it! Happy weekend...hugs...Debbie

marty (A Stroll Thru Life) said...

Kat, you are so good at this. You really need to write a book. You have such a way with making me feel like I am right there and seeing it all. Fabulous. Hugs, Marty

jeff campbell said...

This is really good...put me there...Peace and blessings

Viki said...

What a beautiful picture you painted of Louisiana. I could almost feel it. Good job and Centus.

easternsparkle said...

I felt the longing there Kat...

Linda (Nina's Nest) said...

Honestly, I hate to see the story stop! You do a great job! Keep on! Linda

Templeton's fury said...

great imagery!

cj Schlottman said...

This is beautiful prose, so visual and concrete. You are a REAL writer. "Sun glinting gold through the cypress, slow moving water hiding frogs, gators, and gar." "packs of feral teenagers..." Simply wonderful.

Thanks..........cj

Malisa said...

Lovely! I love Louisiana and you described it well. I got a kick out of this: "The only wildlife packs of feral teenagers and the occasional rat." Very good description! Thanks so much. I enjoyed!

Malisa

Jenners said...

wonderful. You create such atmosphere and work in so many little details in just the 100 words.

5thsister said...

still chuckling at your perfect description: "packs of feral teenagers" I see them at the mall all the time!

xinex said...

You are just so good with the choice of words and description, Kat. Fabulous short story....Christine

Shellbelle said...

Oh yes Kat, this is excellent. We must all remember to keep our focus on those things in life that bring us pleasure, knowing that when our work is done they will still be there…closer than they appear.

Melissa Miller said...

Kat you are an excellent writer!!!!

Have a blessed week.
~Melissa :)

Tgoette said...

Great job this week, Kat! A beautiful story filled with amazing imagery and detail. Definitely one of my favorites this week! Excellent!

~Lissa said...

Wow, I loved the visuals and you truly used the prompt perfectly. Great job!

My name is PJ. said...

I love your work, Kat! The last sentence is my favorite, but I was very fond of this as well,"Ghosts of the past? Just old man Bergeron burning cane stubble."

Cheryl said...

Kat you sparkle here. This is an absolutely brilliant last look at what calms the soul before heading into the fray once again.

Terra said...

Oh I bet they are. I am sure there is hope for getting back to where she/he was!

Tina said...

haha loved your ending thought there!

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

Another good story beginning Kat. I hope your protagonist finds out the city is not as bad as he/she thinks it is. :)

June Freaking Cleaver said...

You had me in Louisiana, just waiting for the day to unfold. Very descriptive in such a limited number of words.

Great!

Vicki said...

AGH, how'd I miss this one??? This is just great! Put me right there..

Jenny said...

Kat! Brilliant. The visualization in this one just played like a drive-in movie across the back of my brain.

Really cool.